Mob Psycho 100 (or, I guess I’m a weaboo now)

For the first time in my life, I went to the manga section at Barnes & Noble (hidden all the way in the back) and scanned the shelves, looking for the newly released volume 1 of Mob Psycho 100 (in English).

*Record scratch, freezeframe* You're probably wondering how I got here.

Well, my friend had been talking about something called Mob Psycho 100 (and using screenshots of the manga as reaction images in our text conversations) for some time. Is it about the mafia? I wondered. Who is this kid?

Because I'm a good friend, I agreed when she asked me to watch some of it with her. I take genuine interest in my friends' interests, ok? (And I always need leverage to get my friends to watch things that I like.) So, we watched the first three episodes of the English dub, and I really liked it. It was funny, and I was invested in the characters and plot. A few days later, we hung out and watched the remaining nine episodes.

And, yeah, at that point I was in way over my head.

"When does Mob find out Reigen is lying to him?" I demanded.

"Not until the last chapter of the manga," my friend told me.

She sent me a link to an unofficial scan/translation of the web manga, and I spent the rest of the weekend binge-reading—(I started where season 1 left off, so I read chapters 51-101, which is actually about two-thirds of the total length of the manga; later chapters having as many as ten parts, whereas early chapters only have one or two)—and spamming my friend with screenshots and texts. I finished reading it by about 1am on Sunday night—I stayed up until 2am yelling about it on tumblr.

As the week passed, I got in deeper and deeper. I re-read parts of the manga; I re-watched the anime. I exchanged hundreds of texts with my friend—I hope the NSA enjoyed that. I wrote three short fanfics. (Who am I?)  I read the first few chapters of the spin-off manga Reigen which only started earlier this year. I texted my mom to tell her that I want Volume I of the official English manga for Christmas. The next day, I bought it for myself at Barnes & Noble (I couldn't wait).

And that about catches us up. How has your week been?

I can't explain exactly what it was that captured my attention about MP100; it was probably a "perfect storm" situation. It's a very good work of fiction, and I found it at the right time, and I have someone to talk to about it, so that created a monster.

Here's my attempt to put into words what is so good about MP100. I doubt you're reading this if you're not already familiar (in general, I doubt there's a 'you' that's reading this), so I'm not going to hold back with spoilers, and I will assume some basic knowledge of the series.


The characters and relationships

Mob is a great protagonist, and Reigen is the best possible secondary character. Their relationship is The Thing about MP100 that makes it what is is. Mob is a kid who really needs a mentor who understands what he's going through with his psychic powers. He needs a role model, someone who proves that everything can be alright. On the surface, Reigen pretends to be that, pretends to have psychic powers. And that's a hurtful deception. But on a deeper level, Reigen actually is the role model Mob needs.

Reigen's philosophy (and the philosophy of the show—more on that later) is that having special abilities doesn't make you any different from anyone else. With this in mind, he actually is qualified to be Mob's mentor, and he gives Mob really good advice most of the time. While their relationship is predicated on one big lie and many little manipulations, it is still a genuinely caring relationship. And that dynamic is my shit. Y'all know I love Breaking Bad. (Not to compare Reigen to Walt, not at all—Reigen doesn't, like, murder anyone Mob cares about.)

In addition to the big two, there is a large cast of supporting characters. The ensemble exists to support Mob's story and contribute to the themes; there isn't much that's extraneous. I particularly enjoy what Ritsu and Teru contribute to Mob's story, and the theme about being "gifted" (more on that below). I like Tome and the telepathy club, and of course, I love the body improvement club. What great boys. Good boys all around.


The themes

MP100 is not shy about its themes. It sorta clobbers you over the head with them, but I don't mind that.

MP100 is about adolescence, and specifically the emotional maelstrom that is puberty. Much of the series only makes sense in that context. Mob's arc is to learn to deal with emotions in a healthy way, and to find a support network of friends.

The relationship between Reigen and Mob is essentially a parent/teen child relationship. Reigen isn't a psychic—(He's not a teenager; there's an interesting equivalency between psychic powers and maturity in MP100. Most of the psychics are children, and the adult psychics are shown as immature and emotionally stunted.)—so he doesn't really understand what Mob is going through. But he pretends to know, and muddles his way through giving the kid advice.

At the end, when Reigen sees Mob in his uncontrolled ???% state, he says to him: "I didn't know! Is this what you've been dealing with? Something this big? I didn't know." That line, of all the lines in the manga, cuts me to my core. Because isn't that what every teenager wants to hear from a parent? To have their turbulent emotions recognized, validated? To stop with the advice and just see them and acknowledge their pain? (Reigen for father of the year!)

Amazing! Local woman cries every time she reads this panel.

Another major theme in MP100 is that no one's really special. Reigen says again and again that Mob's powers don't make him different from anyone else; it's just another aspect of who he is. The adult psychics in Claw are shown to be delusional for believing they are superior to other people. And the theme song declares: "If everyone is not special, maybe you can be what you want to be." This secondary theme informs much of the plot. The pattern goes: Villain thinks he's special, Mob wrecks the villain, villain realizes he's not special.

Ritsu and Teru's arcs contribute to this theme as well. Whereas Ritsu is more gifted than Mob in every way (athleticism, intelligence, social skills), he envies Mob's one gift, and obsesses over it. Teru goes through the villain disillusionment arc in his first two episodes, and becomes a much better person for it.

This theme is especially relevant as a response to the genre of superhero films and shonen manga; the hero, Mob, is not superior. He's more or less a regular kid who happens to have one skill.


The mountain of dramatic irony 

What really hooked me on MP100 is the central tension of the series: Reigen is lying to Mob about being a psychic. I couldn't rest until that conflict was resolved. (Good thing I started reading the manga after it was finished, huh? Can you imagine waiting six years for that payoff?)

However, this dynamic is more interesting than a simple lie, because you can make a compelling argument that Mob knew all along, at least subconsciously. In the first chapter of the manga, Mob doubts his master's power when he can't handle a weak spirit. After Reigen is publicly exposed as a fraud, Mob doesn't have much to say about it; my reading is that he knows Reigen is not a real psychic, but it doesn't matter because he's "a good person." In chapter 100, ???% (read: Mob's power, his subconscious, his dark side) says about Reigen: "Stop acting like you haven't noticed. That person is a liar. That person is only trying to use me."

Chapter 100 has my entire wig.

I'm a strong proponent of the Mob Been Knew theory—but I think he knows mostly on a subconscious level. He has a fairly simplistic notion of right and wrong, so he can't reconcile Reigen being a good person with Reigen lying to him and others. I don't think Mob spends that much time thinking about it, to be honest—probably too much cognitive dissonance.

The anime presents Mob as a little more naive, a little more blindly trusting of Reigen. I enjoy this version, too. There are a lot of ways to read their relationship, and I can endlessly theorize about what exactly is going on in Mob's head. I can't wait to see how the anime continues to flesh out this conflict between them.


The comedy

The manga is funny (and full of fantastically meme-able panels), and the humor in the anime is particularly well executed. Mob's deadpan expression is comedic gold, as is Reigen's ability to worm his way out of any situation. Everything with Dimple is hilarious. A lot of humor comes from the ensemble, especially the body improvement club. Love those jocks.


The art and animation style

MP100 is drawn in a remarkably simple style, and the anime follows suit—and it works so well. Despite the simplicity (or maybe because of it), the characters are so expressive and the story shines through. The anime plays around with stylized cut-away scenes, including pencil drawings and paint-on-glass animation. Mob's "explosions" are beautifully animated.


The theme song

This total bop deserves its own section. The animation of the opening credits is fantastic, showing hints of future arcs in the manga. And the end credits, paint-on-glass scene makes me cry every time.


So, basically, those are my thoughts about MP100. I got on the bandwagon at a good time; not too early, but not too late. Season 2 comes out in January (not sure when the dub will be released). The official English manga will continue to be released volume by volume, but it will be years until I have all sixteen on my bookshelf.

Concluding thoughts? It's good, and I'm soft, and my heart is full.

Bojack season 5: first thoughts

Another year, another highly anticipated season of Bojack, watched all in one day. I enjoyed my first watch-through tremendously, and have started my re-watch. For now, I just want to go episode by episode and give some (spoilery) thoughts.


1. The Light Bulb Scene

Great season opener. Set up Bojack's new show, Philbert, Princess Carolyn's plan to adopt a child, and Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter's divorce (in an ending scene that made me scream). There are great moments sprinkled throughout (especially the phone call between Bojack and Hollyhock is adorable), and all of the major characters are given something to do, and interact with each other. The season's show business commentary is off to a great start in this episode. ("If it's driven by character, that means it's not gratuitous!") 


2. The Dog Days Are Over

The chronology of this episode is really creative while still being easy to follow. The "listicle" format allows for Diane's commentary and some good humor. As we work our way toward the beginning of the episode (Diane sobbing in her car), there are a few heartbreaking moments. Of course, Diane seeing Mr. Peanutbutter with his new girlfriend, Pickles -- but I was particularly hurt by the Diane/Bojack interactions in this episode. Bojack just wanted to go to the party with Diane :/


3. Planned Obsolescence

I really enjoy the Princess Carolyn/Pickles in this episode dealing with the specter of Diane. Bojack teasing Gina over her love for musical theater is fun. Todd's storyline is... fine. There are some good jokes (look at the foods on the dinner table), but I'm not that into it.


4. Bojack the Feminist 

This season's issue episode! A Mel Gibson-type actor is cast in Philbert and Bojack ends up a feminist hero by doing the bare minimum. This show has dealt a lot with the recurring issues of sexual harassment in Hollywood, and this season dives into that later on, but this episode is more about famous men who are known to be horrible in their personal lives, and whose careers barely suffer as a result. There's plenty of irony in this episode upon a rewatch ("don't choke women!"), as it's clear that Philbert plays off of Bojack's problematic persona. The end of the episode really sets things in motion as Diane finds out about New Mexico.


5. The Amelia Earhart Story

I love seeing teenage Princess Carolyn, and I love David Sedaris voicing PC's mom. Inspired. The episode also sets up Bojack's opioid addiction, which is the thrust of the season.


6. Free Churro

This is hands-down the best episode of the season, and one of the best episodes of Bojack ever. Top five for sure. The entire episode (minus a flashback cold open) is a eulogy delivered by Bojack at his mother's funeral. This episode is funny and heartbreaking and unique. Will Arnett Emmy when?!


7. INT. SUB

This episode is creative and funny as a couple share stories about their clients over dinner. But the real headline: Diane. Did. That. What a power move.


8. Mr. Peanutbutter's Boos

I love that Mr. Peanutbutter is finally realizing some things after five seasons. This is a very good and funny episode as it switches between the four timelines. Lots of good era-related jokes.


9. Ancient History

I hate seeing Bojack waste his limited time with Hollyhock trying to get drugs. And Jesus Christ, Bojack, just give her a hug and tell her that you love her. I enjoy seeing Ralph again, and... I just want them to be together :( I love the re-appearance of Meow Meow Fuzzyface. I don't love Todd's subplots in most of the season; he used to be more interesting in seasons 1-3. The ending of this episode made me scream.


10. Head in the Clouds

Character actress Margo Martindale! There's lots of meta introspection in this episode, as Diane ponders whether it's ethical to make a bad character sympathetic, and whether that normalizes bad behavior. ("We're all terrible, therefore we're all okay.") Henry Fondles' innuendos are funny, which makes the subplot sorta worth it. Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane hooking up?! But the headline is: The Bojack/Diane reckoning we've been waiting for. Last season was much more Diane/Mr. Peanutbutter, so I really needed this.


11. The Showstopper

The notorious 11th episode. It sure is something, but it wasn't as cathartic as Time's Arrow or Escape From L.A. to me -- more on par with season one's Downer Ending emotion-wise. I like how it switches back and forth between the show and Bojack's life, and how it's hard to tell what's real and what isn't. The musical number is great and unsettling, and the ending packs a horrible punch, as Gina delivers the one f-word this season. Also, what's up with the stair to heaven imagery? Bojack didn't die this season, but... maybe it won't be much longer.


12. The Stopped Show 

The fall-out of last episode, and set up for the next season. Princess Carolyn adopts a baby, Mr. Peanutbutter proposes to Pickles, and Bojack starts rehab. I love that the season ends on Diane. Good for her.

Minnesota State Fair foods, 2018

I work at the state fair as part of my job, and this year I was there 10 out of the 12 days. Here's everything I ate and drank. (Don't @ me, the fair's only once a year.)


Food

Hot apple dumpling: A decent breakfast or dessert, but I wish you could get it for $5 instead of $7 without the absurd amount of ice cream.

Sausage and bacon breakfast sandwiches from Salem Lutheran church: Pretty good. Buttery biscuit.

Grilled peach with greek yogurt from the Produce Exchange: Didn't live up to the hype, although maybe the herbed goat cheese (for an extra $2) is the better topping choice.

Pork and Brisket "flight" of sliders from the Hangar: Very good. You can only get one kind of meat per order (3 sliders for $10) so I didn't understand what made it a "flight" -- but it's that each of the three sliders has a different condiment: coleslaw, a pickle, or fried onions. Okay.

Corn fritters with honey butter: One of my state fair favorites. Sweet and savory. $6.50 isn't too bad for fair prices.

Martha's cookies: As I'm sure you know, they're very good when they're fresh, but you always end up with leftovers which are not as good.

Loaded tots from Tot Boss: Good, and tricks you into thinking it's a well-rounded meal. (Sour cream, cheese, chives, bacon? Those are the food groups, right?)

Pronto pup: When you need a quick bite for $5. But the slogan "Banquet on a Stick" is... upsetting to me. "Banquet" is a gross word.

Turducken sausage from Giggles: New in 2018. It's pretty decent, and comes with a slaw topping.

Crab fritters: What to get when the line at Giggles/Campfire Grill is too long. The dipping sauce is good.

Uffda Taco: A generous helping of taco toppings on a piece of fry bread. Really good! One of my favorites.

Duck bacon wontons from Giggles: Essentially these are cream cheese wontons with some bits of bacon (duck bacon) and veg. Good dipping sauce.

Smoked salmon on a stick from Giggles: I got this twice this year. One of my favorites! Delicious and probably one of the more healthy fair foods. Plus you can use the skewers are chopsticks to eat up the scraps. Great!

Cubana from Manny's Tortas: Cubano-style torta. I dropped mine on the ground immediately after purchasing it, and they gave me a new one. Thanks!

Grilled elote from Tejas Express: Grilled corn with Mexican sauce and seasoning. So good! One of the new foods in 2018, and I will definitely get it again next year.

Bierfest pie from Sara's Tipsy Pies: A savory pie with sausage, sauerkraut, and cheddar on the inside. Pretty good.



Drinks

Egg coffee from Salem church: My go-to state fair coffee for my morning shift. $2 for a decent coffee.

Coffee from the hot apple dumpling stand: $1, but it tastes like water.

Mini donut beer from the Ball Park: This was highly recommended to me, and it's actually great! Who knew! Got it twice.

S'mores beer from Giggles: Last year, it was a darker, chocolatey stout. This year it was a much lighter beer, with (maybe?) a hint of chocolate. Still a decent novelty beer, but I think I preferred it last year.

Mango sour beer: I didn't realize this was a sour beer (I don't like sour beers) but it was $9 so I drank it.

Maple bacon brown ale from Giggles: A pretty normal brown ale. I like brown ales. And it's got a piece of soggy bacon floating in it. I was hoping for maybe a crispy piece of bacon across the top of the cup? But whatever.

Hoppy & bitter flight from the Hangar: A flight of four beers for $10 seems like a good value at the fair. Probably not anything you haven't had before, if you're a craft beer person, but it's good for sharing, and the Hangar is a fun place.

Uffda Ale from Giggles: Not sure what the shtick is with this one. It's pretty light and very carbonated. Served with a fried tortilla chip or something in it? I don't get it.

Summer food update

Produce season is really upon us, so it's time for me to do all the things I dreamed of during the winter.


Local produce

• My mom has been bringing me regular installments of produce from her CSA share.
• I went once to Frogtown Farm market, earlier in the year, and it was great. I'll definitely have to go again now that there will be more produce.
• I've been to the St. Thomas More market near my apartment once, and the Lakeville farmer's market once. 
• I haven't been as involved in Hamline's on-campus gardens as I hoped, but it's not too late.
• Pretty soon, I'll start receiving boxes from the Good Acre's farm share. 

Fruit foraging

A couple hours' effort.

• I picked so many serviceberries in June... I made serviceberry pies twice, serviceberry wine (kind of), and I still have some in my freezer. 
• I missed most of the mulberry season unfortunately, but I did get some sour cherries and raspberries.

Canning

From $5 worth of tomatoes.

• I have 9 pint jars of canned tomatoes! Yay! 
• I haven't tried anything else yet, but I would love to try canning some salsa verde if I can get a large amount of tomatillos. 

Fermenting

Beginning stage of hot sauce

• I've made about 3 napa cabbages worth of kim chi so far this summer, and found some new favorite ways to eat it, including: on eggs, in ramen, in a peanut butter and kim chi sandwich, finely chopped into a sauce for rice noodles. 
• Sauerkraut is always a favorite of mine, and I love to eat it on brats or in a sandwich with some swiss cheese and roast beef. Or just plain. It's delicious.
• I've also fermented a lot of beets, which is one of my favorite ways to eat beets. 
• Right now, I'm trying my hand at a fermented hot sauce, with cayenne peppers, sweet peppers, onion and garlic. It probably won't look too pretty since I'm using both red and green peppers, but hopefully it will taste good. 

Pokemon Go is a better game now than ever

Start playing the game again!

I stopped playing for a long time in between Gen 1 and Gen 2, but I returned for a while when Gen 2 was added and I've been playing consistently since Gen 3 was released this past winter. Besides releasing new Pokemon (which is good on its own), there have been lots of updates and changes that have improved the game since its initial release.

Research tasks: They really got my number. I love these small tasks that keep you playing from day to day. The Field Research is okay (I don't want any more 1400CP Snorlaxes) -- but the Special Research is where it's really at. I'm so close to getting Mew! It's a great system to unveil really special Pokemon, and I hope they continue to use it.

Weather: Real-life weather affects which Pokemon spawn in the game (i.e. when it's raining, water types are more likely to spawn), and these Pokemon are also "weather-boosted" meaning they are stronger. This weather system really helps to mix up the type of Pokemon you see on a day-to-day basis. (I'm bummed I didn't catch a Snowy Castform all winter despite how much snow we got here... Next winter!)

Gym rewards: Back in the day, you would get 10 coins per Pokemon per gym per day. In my case, this usually meant only 10 coins per day. Now, you get 1 coin every 10 minutes a Pokemon is in a gym (regardless of the number of Pokemon you have in gyms), and up to 50 per day. Even though you can't earn more than 50 coins per day, I've been reliably earning 50 coins per day, which is better than usually only getting 10 per day. However, you only get the coins when your Pokemon has been kicked out. There should be an option to collect at any time.

Raids: None of my friends still play so I haven't had a shot at one of the legendary Pokemon, but I solo level 1 raids solely for the rare candies. Speaking of:

Rare Candies: I can finally stop walking my Chancey and evolve it. 

Shiny Pokemon: I don't think shinies were always in the game, and their presence has definitely added a new element of excitement. I just caught a shiny Magikarp and I am stoked. Only 150 candies to shiny Gyarados...

More events/rewards: For instance, a couple weeks ago it was Squirtle Day and there were Squirtles everywhere. I caught a shiny Squirtle! For the two-year anniversary, Niantic challenged players to complete a certain number of research tasks, and we did. For a reward, all week, there are bonus candies for catching Pokemon and hatching eggs, and the distance to hatch eggs is cut in half. It's a good week. Re-download the app!

Spring vegetable ramen

Soup, especially ramen, is my favorite way to eat greens. After visiting Frogtown Farm's market on Saturday, I dressed up some packaged ramen with bok choy, green onion, and garlic scapes.

You could use homemade chicken stock to make an even classier ramen, but I used the flavor packet and water, plus a few splashes of fish sauce. When the broth was at a boil, I added the chopped stems of the bok choy and the garlic scapes and let them cook for a couple minutes. Then I added the noodles, green onions, and bok choy leaves to finish off.

This is an easy and delicious way to eat early spring vegetables!

Cognitive dissonance and the gun control debate

This latest YouTube shooting has sparked a lot of unproductive discourse. Before details were public, some liberals were betting that it was another white male shooter (it wasn't), and some on the right were already claiming it to be "another false flag" (it obviously isn't because that's not a thing).

This event is getting some attention because it goes against several liberal assumptions about gun violence. It happened in California, a state with some of the strictest gun control laws. An assault weapon wasn't used. Most of all, the suspect was a woman of color. (The words "female shooter" have appeared in nearly every headline; it is an anomaly.) The far-right switched tracks; the shooting is no longer a false flag to advance gun control legislation, it's now something that the media will ignore because it doesn't fit their progressive narrative.

To be fair, it doesn't. And as a liberal who read that "The boys are not all right" New York Times piece, the YouTube shooting is uncomfortable. However, the main reason this story won't get as much traction as, say, Parkland or Las Vegas, is because there weren't nearly as many casualties (as of now, it seems that only the shooter is dead, with three others injured). So let's not get too wigged out if the media doesn't spend every waking second talking about it.

However, this latest shooting is worth talking about because it deviates from our narrative. And it has me thinking about just that -- narratives -- and how we've come to seemingly exist on different planes of reality from one another.

It's human nature to seek out simplified narratives that explain the world around us. We then seek out anything that supports our worldview and ignore or explain away anything that negates it. When we're confronted with something that goes against our worldview, we experience cognitive dissonance, one of the most uncomfortable experiences you can have as a human. At this point you either have to do the hard work of accommodating new information and shifting your worldview (read: admitting you were wrong), or poke holes in the piece of new information so that you don't have to accommodate it.

So, relating this to gun control there are a few common narratives that people depend on to explain the chaos and violence:

1) Gun access is the problem.
2) Mental health is the problem.
3) [White] male violence is the problem.
4) Gun violence is inevitable and there's no way to stop it.
5) Good guys with guns will stop bad guys.
6) There is no problem. (more on this later)

Most people incorporate more than one of these narratives into their worldview, and that's important because it paints a more nuanced portrait. Personally, I think  the first four points on that list contribute to the problem.

Having a more productive conversation

1) Gun access. Liberals are guilty of not defining this problem very well. Granted, I'm sick of the flak that pro-gun control folks get for not knowing every detail about guns. Just because someone doesn't know much about guns doesn't mean that they have no place in a conversation about public safety. A gun can still harm you even if you think the AR in AR-15 stands for assault rifle. But for our part, we should try to learn more about guns so that we can make meaningful statements.

2) Mental health. In my opinion, this is the great deflection in gun control debates. Of course mental health is a component, but it's one of the most difficult problems to solve because it's cultural. Part of it is access -- background checks. But it's more than that -- it's creating a culture where people, especially men, can ask for and receive health; creating a culture that's less violent and alienating, where people are meaningfully connected and supported. Even if we were somehow able to do that, people would slip through the cracks.

3. [White] males. Despite the most recent shooting, the majority of mass shootings are carried out by men (check out this Washington Post infographic). I don't think that specifying "white" men is particularly helpful or accurate (See: Pulse, Virginia Tech), but many people make this argument. The piece in the Times is gentle enough to not caused outrage, but I think we have to tread carefully. That being said, I've appreciated seeing this argument made in thoughtful ways, and there is a disturbing trend of mass shootings sparked by some domestic issue between men and women (most recently, the Maryland school shooting).

4) Inevitability. "Never Again" is a powerful rallying cry, but I think liberals would do well to admit that there's no way we can prevent shootings from happening again. "Less Often" or "Fewer Deaths" doesn't make a great hashtag, but we need to make that our stated goal. This is what we want when we push for a bump stock ban, for instance -- to try to limit the severity of shootings. And the bump stock ban has received a lot of support because it's specific and realistic.

5) Good guy with a gun. The Maryland school shooting in March was an almost triumph for "good guy with a gun" (one victim still died), but Parkland was obviously a disaster. I don't have the strongest opinions on this, but it's clear that it's not the end-all, be-all solution. But there isn't an end-all, be-all solution, so I'll admit: Trained, armed resource officers may be helpful in some situations. Arming teachers probably will not be. I'm not convinced that armed teachers or guards will deter potential school shooters, however: Many shooters either kill themselves or want the police to kill them.

6) "There is no problem." This is the puzzle that I've been stuck on. Maybe you've been lucky enough not to see the "false flag" conspiracy theories, but they are out there. There's a vocal contingent of far-right folks who believe that these mass shootings are planned and carried out by the government/"the Left" in order to further gun control legislation. Or there's a belief that these events haven't happened at all -- See Alex Jones' godawful stance on Sandy Hook.

Of course, these views are absolutely bonkers and wildly disrespectful to the people who have lost their lives or lost their loved ones.

But there's something about this view that almost -- almost -- makes sense. If you were that invested in your worldview (guns are good, government is bad), and mass shootings kept happening, you'd be experiencing a lot of cognitive dissonance. So, what do you do? Maybe you explain away the issue: Guns aren't the problems, it's actually xyz. What we need is more guns!

But an even more effective deflection: There isn't a problem. All these mass shootings are part of the government's evil plan to take our guns away.

What a comfortable lie to believe. There's no way to have a productive conversation with someone who's so immersed in their worldview that they believe false flag conspiracy theories.

What I want you to do right now

When you look at our political discourse this way, you can see how we've come to a point where we practically live on different planets. The fractured media landscape makes it all too easy. Look at right-wing and left-wing news and you probably won't even see the same news stories. 

But you can do something about this! Yes, you! Monitor your reactions to news that both confirms and contradicts your worldview. I paid attention to my reaction to the YouTube shooting, to try to catch my own biases in action. There was a twinge of something when I read it was a female shooter. Another twinge when I read her name. I think it's important to be aware of these reactions and admit to having them. 

The world is a complicated place, and there's no shame in trying to simplify it -- it's human nature. But sometimes you gotta admit that you have no idea what's going on; the world is chaotic and incomprehensible. Get used to living in the uncomfortable space of cognitive dissonance. Don't patch it up too quickly. Gun violence is an important, if messy, subject and it deserves a lot of careful thought. Pay attention to events that contradict what you believe, because it will help us come up with a better solution. 

20 best Crazy Ex Girlfriend songs

I watched the third season of Crazy Ex Girlfriend recently (when it was put on Netflix), and was then compelled to go back and start re-watching the series from the beginning. If you haven't seen it yet, what are you even doing? It's brilliant. Anyway, here are my picks for best 20 songs in the show.

20. You're my best friend (and I know I'm not yours)

This is so sweet and semi-sad. And that's okay.

19. Having a few people over

This is just so personally hilarious to me in a way that no other song on this list is.


18. Friendtopia

Everyone's squad goals.


17. JAP battle

Lin-Manuel Miranda is shakin' in his boots.

16. We tapped that ass

Couldn't embed it, so click here to watch. A really fun number. 

15. I'm so good at yoga

Still one of my favorites from the series. 

14. Heavy boobs

I think blogger won't let me embed anything with a naughty word in the title, so uh, click to watch. I personally can't relate to this song in the slightest, but it's hilarious and for some reason my brain conjured up a parody, called "empty boobs" and I sing it to myself a lot. 

13. Settle for me

A solid song, and great scene.

12. Where's the bathroom?

Everything about this is hilarious.

11. I could if I wanted to

I love this grunge parody and the one-take shot. Perfectly captures Greg. 

10. Season 2 theme song

The best of the three theme songs. The uncomfortably long pause at the end is so... funny.


9. Tell me I'm okay, Patrick

The part when the box is playing the piano...

8. Let's generalize about men

This is how you do smart and funny commentary.

7. It was a shitshow

More sad than funny. I really liked Greg.

6. Gettin' bi

This song got Crazy Ex on my radar, since it went viral for obvious reasons.

5. The end of the movie

The biggest season 3 gem features none other than Josh Groban. 

4. West Covina

Where it all started. I love the big, Broadway feel of this, and the staging is very clever (because I'm hopelessly, desperately in love with...)

3. Sexy getting ready song

Click to see. Probably the most iconic song of the series, and another from the pilot episode. It's pure gold. 

2. After everything I've done for you (that you didn't ask for)

The only Paula solo song on the list, so sorry about that, but it's incredible. It has more intensity and plot-relevance than many other songs, and it's a total showstopper. 

1. You stupid bitch

Click to see a song about self-indulgent self-loathing. It's a laugh so you don't cry kind of thing.

Improv kitchen: Andouille tomato sauce

I should start keeping track of what I cook when I improvise, since that's the only way you'll ever write recipes. So, here we go with a new series.

Over the weekend, I got some andouille sausage from a smoke house in Duluth, and tonight I raided my cupboard to make a meal of it.

Here's what I came up with for ingredients:

1 small onion
3 garlic cloves
1 celery stalk
2 dried pasilla chiles
1 can of tomato sauce
1/4 pound andouille
A squeeze of tomato paste
Oregano
Black pepper
1 bay leaf
Salt
Olive oil
2 eggs

Makes 2 servings

Start by sautéing the diced onion and celery with olive oil and salt. De-seed and blitz the chiles into small bits, using a food processor or just your knife. Add the chiles, oregano, and black and pepper. Hold off on the garlic until you're happy with the onion's done-ness, and add it just before adding the tomato sauce.

While you're cooking the vegetables, fry up slices of sausage.

Warning: this smells insanely good.

Add the tomato sauce and fried sausages into the pot, and simmer. Add a little squeeze of tomato paste, if you have it. I reduced the sauce for a while, until it was pretty thick and all the flavors were melded.

You could definitely have this sauce with some pasta. But I didn't have any pasta. So, I opted for serving it with a fried egg.

This was seriously very good. If you're going to make something like this, I would recommend adding some diced bell pepper as well to round out the "holy trinity," and using crushed canned tomatoes instead of pureed tomato sauce.

Summer food plan...

It's getting sunnier and warmer out, and I'm getting really excited thinking about the abundance of fresh produce coming our way. Here's my plan for making the most of the season.

Sources of fresh, local produce

CSA farm: My mom gets a box every other week, plus you can pick your own food.

Frogtown Farm Market: This is new this summer, and will take place every Saturday morning, starting in June.

St. Paul Farmers Market: Every Saturday & Sunday morning, beginning in late April.

On-campus garden: I'm sure I can pick up some volunteer responsibilities, in return for some treats.

Free fruit picking

Fresh fruit is probably the best part of summer. I'm looking forward to picking serviceberries, raspberries, and cherries on campus. Last summer I discovered two mulberry trees, and I can't wait to return to them again this year.

Canning

Tomatoes. I didn't do it last year, so this year I am going to buy a huge quantity of end-of-season tomatoes and jar them so that I can make delicious tomato sauces all winter. I use a lot of canned tomatoes, so it makes sense to make my own.

Salsa verde. I've perfected my salsa verde recipe over the past two years, but tomatillos can be a little hard to find at grocery stores. So, I'm going to buy a huge quantity of them at the height of summer so I can have a stock pile of salsa verde in my pantry.

Fruit and jams. I want to make preserves from serviceberries, raspberries, cherries, mulberries, and ground cherries. And I would also like to try canning peaches.

Fermenting

Kimchi. I failed at my first kimchi attempt, but once I get my hands on a fresh Napa cabbage, I'm trying again.

Sauerkraut. A perfect condiment for summer brats.

Cucumber pickles. I want to try lacto-fermenting pickles instead of using vinegar.

Hot sauce. When the chili pepper boom comes at the end of the season, I will give lacto-fermented hot sauce a try.

Sharing

These canned and fermented items make great gifts, and are great additions to snack spreads, so I'm looking forward to sharing with friends and family.


I didn't do as much as I wanted to last summer in this regard, so I'm holding myself accountable this year. I'm gonna can a lifetime supply of tomatoes!

Missing the cultural moment: Why The Greatest Showman is already dated

I know I should stop complaining about this movie, but I'm obsessed with nailing down why exactly it didn't work. And I think I got to the heart of it. I'm not going to talk about the surface-level issues, that I've touched on previously, and that many others have pointed out. Instead, I'm going to argue that the root of the problem is that this movie was aiming for a certain cultural moment, and it was about ten years too late.

As you may know, The Greatest Showman should have come out almost ten years ago; it was first announced, and Hugh Jackman was attached, in 2009. If it had been released in 2011 or something, it would have been a pretty good movie. It fit with our ideas about self-acceptance and diversity at the time. I'm going to characterize these circa-2010 concepts as "uncritical self-acceptance" and "monolithic diversity."

By monolithic diversity, I'm referring to the media representation that all minority experiences are sort of the same, and how we're all treated badly by them (the word "oppressed" is never used, and the oppressor is never named). Basically, being a person of color is the same as being a woman is the same as being gay is the same as being trans is the same as disabled.

It's apolitical, in a way, because it never addresses mistreatment much worse than bullying. There's not a concept of systemic oppression. Movies and TV from the early 2010s are probably part of the reason why so many people today think that oppression is people being mean to you. That's an experience everyone can relate to, and it bonds all these diverse people together. Actual oppression -- the lasting legacy of discriminatory policies -- is not something everyone can relate to, and it impacts different groups differently. It doesn't lend itself to a feel-good, band-of-misfits romp.

Our cultural discourse has changed a lot in the past decade, and monolithic diversity doesn't sit right anymore. Even the concept of "diversity" feel dated, in a way. We've moved from "Everyone's the same on the inside!" to "People with different experiences are different, and that's valuable."

We're also more specific in our understanding of diversity, so it feels wrong to not break that out into categories for race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, etc, and look at those experiences individually. We understand now that these are not comparable experiences (even the experiences of different people of color (i.e. black, Asian, Latino) are all different), and that a person can be privileged on some axes and oppressed on others.

Showman did not delve into the differences or nuances between the characters' experiences at all, which led to some clumsy moments, such as the bearded lady saying, "Even our mothers rejected us!" to a group of circus performers, some of whom are not disabled or anything, they're just black. I'm gonna guess their mothers didn't reject them.

I don't want to fault this movie for being rated PG; this limits what the movie can do. I didn't need the movie to delve into systemic oppression -- that would be a high order, and obviously not every movie has to or should do that. However, recent PG-rated movies are getting more specific when it comes to diversity. They're figuring out that monolithic diversity isn't how we see the world anymore. Look at Coco, which can't be separated from its Mexican roots. This is all you have to do in a PG movie to prove that you understand the concept: Show that different people have different experiences, and be as specific as possible. Coco wasn't a Latino or Hispanic movie -- it was a Mexican movie.

In Showman, it would have been cool to have the circus performers talk about the different ways that they are mistreated, and stand up for each other. For instance, the white performers could stand up to a racist heckler. Or the really tall guy could intimidate someone who's picking on the dwarf guy. That's two scenes right there that could have demonstrated that the writers don't think that being a bearded lady is the same as being a dwarf or being black.

Now, to return to the idea of "uncritical self-acceptance." Culturally, we're moving from self-acceptance to self-improvement, and this has a lot to do with the concept of privilege. Privilege is a very misunderstood concept, but what we need to do is be aware of our own biases and try to improve ourselves. Showman repeatedly says, in song, "This is who I am, I don't care if the world doesn't accept me, I'm not gonna change, I'm not gonna apologize."

This is all fine and good when referring to things about yourself that aren't harmful or that you can't change, such as race or sexual orientation, but it's a message that we've heard a lot and I think we've internalized it. In fact, I think we've internalized it a little too much, and applied this reasoning to things about ourselves that are harmful and that we can change. We've moved past uncritical self-acceptance, and now we're ready to hear that maybe you should change. That you should be critical.

(I also want to comment on how the songs in the movie, especially "This is Me" repeatedly reference a mysterious they who want to tear the circus performers down. Who are they? Name them, you cowards! Down with the ruling class!)

These problems with the overall social message of the movie may be explained by the long production period. I'm not sure what exactly they were doing for 7 years, since they clearly weren't working on the script. Zing! 

But really, it seems like the movie was dreamed up in 2010, and then never updated to fit our current cultural moment. Back in the early 2010s, we were concerned about bullying, so uncritical self-acceptance was the response. Conversations about diversity were comparably apolitical. The "band of misfits" concept was popular: The experiences of a group of diverse people are equated as being sort of the same. I mean, look at Glee. Just about everyone has compared Showman to Glee, but it's an apt comparison.

I remember after watching the movie, I was confused because I couldn't figure out what the movie was trying to tell me. There was clearly a social message, but it's almost incomprehensible because my 2018 cultural framework is incompatible with the movie's 2010 framework. The Greatest Showman feels dated because it's responding to a cultural moment that we're 5 to 10 years past.



(Me @ me: It's not that deep, Hugh Jackman just wanted to be in a musical.)

12 Best Bojack Horseman Episodes

Yeah, I know I did my 10 favorite a year ago, but since then, season 4 has come out, so that needs to get folded in, and my opinions on some episodes have changed.

Plus, I developed a kind of rubric to rate the episodes. I was thinking about the things that mattered to me in an episode, and I broke it down into a few categories: the A-Story (character development, plot), the B-Story if applicable, humor, and angst. Bonus points for anything really special.

Because of this somewhat methodical rating of episodes, I am going to go out on a limb and call them the Best episodes, rather than just my favorites. But, you know. It's all subjective.


12. Stop the Presses

• A-Story: 7/10

This is one of those sorta-filler episodes where not much happens, but it's made interesting by the writing. 

• Humor: 7/10

The concept of the episode lends much of the humor. Not laugh-out-loud funny, but more... ironic-funny. Which, as you probably know by now, I love.

• Angst: 5/10

This episode is pretty Angst-Lite, compared to the rest of this list, but there are some good somber moments. "Are you afraid of being known and knowing others?"

11. After the Party

• A-Story: 7/10

Three couples get in fights. I love this set-up for an episode, and each of the scenes is good. 

• B-Story: 3/5

Todd "B-Story" Chavez, at it again, helping phones fall in love.

• Humor: 6/10

"Women on the wall: An exploration of gender in text and media, Barbara Krueger and Jenny Holzer in conversation with Helen Molesworth." And I love the mulch joke! I wish that was a joke you could practically tell in real life! However, the Vincent Adultman scenes aren't as funny as his other scenes.

• Angst: 7/10

I really love the last third of the episode between Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter. They both say some shit, but they work through it.


10. Ruthie

• A-Story: 8/10

This episode contains much of what happens to Princess Carolyn in season 4, so a lot happens. 

• B-Story: 2/5

The saving grace of this B-Story is that it's very self aware -- "Bojack and Diane, what are they up to?" -- and it takes up little screen time. But it's not that interesting, and ends up being inconsequential to the plot of the season. 

• Humor: 7/10

The "Miss Carrie" joke is one of the funniest of the season, but the future-humor doesn't totally land for me.

• Angst: 8/10

If we're being honest, I'm more upset about PC firing Judah than about her breaking up with Ralph. But that doesn't mean I don't care about Ralph, it's just a statement on how much I love Judah. I'm very, very upset about Judah. 

9. That's Too Much, Man!

• A-Story: 8/10

This is an integral episode to the rest of the series, and it follows up on previous events. I feel like I should put this episode higher up on the list, but. I'm not going to. I have to live my truth. 

• Humor: 6/10

There isn't a lot of humor in this episode, although I'll give a shout out to: "What's the old phrase? Beer before liquor, don't do heroin?" and "Audiences hate meta jokes! When will comedy writers learn?" 

• Angst: 8/10

Yeah, I'm not as affected by this episode as other fans are. Watching it makes me feel kinda gross and hungover, but I don't put this episode on if I want to feel really bad (I use "It's You" or "Escape From L.A." for that, if you're wondering). The last few minutes of the episode can get me a little choked up, however, depending on my mood.


8. Let's Find Out

• A-Story: 8/10

This is a more or less bottle-episode, and not much happens that has a lasting impact on the characters. Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter's relationship isn't changed forever -- in fact, they never discuss this again, which is weird. That being said, this self-contained episode is one of my favorites, and I've found it to be the best episode to introduce the show, since the pilot is kinda... eh.  

• B-Story: 2/5

I wish the Todd/pen/mouse-girl storyline was 50% shorter. But J.D. Salinger is hilarious, so, it's not too bad.

• Humor: 10/10

This is one of the funniest episodes. 10/10. The absurd premise (J.D. Salinger emerges from his faked death to create celebrity game show) doesn't disappoint. 

• Angst: 6/10

Lighter on the angst, but I love the scene where Bojack and Mr. Peanutbutter "get real."


7. Fish Out of Water

• A-Story: 9/10

The main thrust of the episode is Bojack running into Kelsey and trying (and failing) to apologize to her. The more I think about this episode, the more I love it. I'm a very auditory person, so the first time I watched the episode, I had a hard time focusing. But I appreciate this episode more and more each time I watch it.

• B-Story: 3/5

This may be a mis-use of the term, but I'm considering the seahorse baby section of the episode as the B-Story. I like that it contributes to the running theme of "Bojack wants a family" but it's not as compelling to me as the main story.

• Humor: 7/10

Do you like visual puns? Boy, do I have an episode for you. The last few seconds of the episode are gold.

• Angst: 6/10

The episode is effective for what it tries to do, and the theme of "failing to communicate" is a frustrating one that everyone can relate to. 

• Bonus: +2

Of course, two bonus points for creative writing, great animation, and the sound editing for the underwater world. 

6. Stupid Piece of Sh*t

• A-Story: 9/10

A pretty simple, day-in-the-life plot serves as the vessel for the main point of the episode: character development for Bojack, and for his relationship with Hollyhock.

• B-Story: 1/5

I'm just not invested in Todd's season 4 storyline. It wasn't that interesting, and it eats up a lot of this episode. However, it's a blessing to see Princess Carolyn and Rutabaga interact. 

• Humor: 9/10

Bojack's internal monologue is as funny as it is cruel. Specific shout-out to the "Nice arm" line... 

• Angst: 9/10

The end of the episode! *clutches chest*

• Bonus: +1

A bonus point for a) the fun new animation style representing Bojack's thoughts and b) the creative narrative structure of exploring Bojack's internal life. 

5. It's You

• A-Story: 9/10

Bojack's life falls apart before his eyes! He pushes Diane away, his dreams die, Ana leaves him, Todd rejects him. This is a huge turning point, not only in season 3, but in the series as a whole. 

• B-Story: 4/5

Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd's shenanigans are well-contained, relevant, and entertaining. A point knocked off for how long the phone-chase sequence goes on... 

• Humor: 7/10

There's some spot-on dark humor ("There's going to be plenty of people around when I kill myself!") and some silly humor as well -- pause and read Mr. Peanutbutter and Todd's Oscars nominations board sometime. 

• Angst: 10/10

I love the opening fight between Diane and Bojack, and the final scene between Todd and Bojack seals the deal. It's probably the most angst-ridden scene of the entire series, and it cuts me to my core. 

4. The Telescope

• A-Story: 10/10

Tight writing, great flashback sequence. This is the first Great episode of the series, and proved the show's potential. 

• B-Story: 4/5

The saving grace is that the scenes between Todd and the "bling ring" girls are very short. I bet it takes no more than 3 minutes of screen time. Plus, it's decently funny -- "Did you hear that? He's letting his guard down!" One of the funniest moments of the episode is when Todd gets left behind at Herb's house, laying face-down in the grass.

• Humor: 7/10

The trademark dark humor is present throughout. Even the things that are not necessarily funny (Herb bluntly saying "I don't forgive you"; Bojack and Herb physically wrestling) can get a laugh. And I want to give a shout-out to the line "Some people prefer the later years!" because it's... so funny. 

• Angst: 9/10

Man... It's getting hard to articulate myself in the top 5. Herb says some important things, and I have feelings about it. 

3. Best Thing That Ever Happened

• A-Story: 10/10

This is my surprise pick of the top 3, even the top 5. This episode is so, so good. We needed a Princess Carolyn/Bojack catharsis, and this episode delivers. Their two decades of history feels real.

• Humor: 8/10

This episode has really successful humor. Shout-out to: the stereotypical Italian chef; the food critic; the valet dog; the business woman/donkey and her son; and the waiter who's very nonchalant about his terrible burns, and comes back to get his jacket. The comedic timing in the final scene alone is 3 of the points. 

• Angst: 9/10

Hoo, boy. This episode is so heartbreaking, and there's a major gut-punch at the end. 

2. Escape From L.A.

• A-Story: 9/10

This episode follows up on Bojacks' dreams of another life in another place, and in doing so, introduces a theme of the series: "You're the tarpit." The events of this episode cast a huge shadow over the rest of the series. There's a little meandering when Bojack goes to prom, but it's a tight episode.

• Humor: 3/5

"Kyle and the Kids" is a bop, but Pete Repeat is dragging the score down. But the episode doesn't aim for a lot of humor, so I'm only scoring it out of 5 total. 

• Angst: 10/10

Yeah, I don't have to explain this to y'all. 

• Bonus: +1

This bonus point is solely for last few minutes of the episode, and the palpable tension when Bojack leaves his door open, and Charlotte follows the balloon up to the boat... 

1. Time's Arrow

• A-Story: 10/10

It's not just character development for Beatrice -- this episode is integral to the over-arching season plot of finding Hollyhock's mom. It's a fantastically written episode. 

• Humor: 3/5

This episode is pretty serious as a whole; I'm scoring this out of only 5 points because I don't want to fault the episode for something it wasn't trying to achieve. However, there are some great darkly humorous moments. ("You'd better be worth all this"/"Well, you're not"; and "It will be nice to have something that always reminds me of this conversation")

• Angst: 10/10

Uh, yeah. It hurts. The last third of the episode is pretty brutal: Beatrice tells Henrietta "Don't do what I did"; the "womanly emotions" montage; and finally, in the present day, Beatrice recognizes Bojack, and they lie to each other in one last, small gesture of kindness. 

• Bonus: +2

One point for the incredible animation. The visual representation of Beatrice's dementia was at times beautiful and at other times frightening. "Time's Arrow" immerses us in Beatrice's head. The faces she doesn't remember are blurred out; the ones she'd rather forget are blotted out with angry black scribbles. Another bonus point for the writing.

Is Bojack redeemable?

Yes.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

Nah, I've got a lot more to say.

Self improvement is another notable theme in Bojack Horseman, along with nihilism, which I've written about before. 

However, some have argued that Bojack has done too many bad things to be a good or relatable character. As if he's Walter White or something (a character that I don't think is redeemable, by the way -- he did all of that because of his ego). I think that these viewers may be on a moral high horse; characters who do bad things are compelling, and that relating to a character who does bad things doesn't mean you approve of everything they do.

So, this is a part of the show that has sparked some disagreement. I'm not arguing something that's a given to everyone.

That being said, let's Get Into Things. Let's Get Real. (© Mr. Peanutbutter)

Part 1: You are the things that you do...

Bojack does not think that he's redeemable, and for some good reasons. But his pre-conceived notion of himself impacts a lot of his decisions, and makes it more difficult for him to change.

Here's a list of several instances that demonstrate how Bojack views himself, and how other characters view him, as well as some general thoughts on forgiveness/redemption.


1) Season 1 episode 8 - "I don't forgive you."

Herb refuses to forgive Bojack, and says: "I'm not gonna give you closure. You don't get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay. [...] I'm not going to be your prop so that you can feel better."

I really love this scene, and it's the first Great Scene in the series, in my opinion. It sets up some important messages that are reinforced throughout:

• Forgiveness is not owed to anyone. You're under no obligation to forgive people who hurt you.
• It can be selfish to seek forgiveness.

2) Season 1 episode 9 - "Sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak..." 

"...and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out out of me, and now it's all gone, and I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it?" - Bojack

I quote that last part far too often, cause it's a hilariously bleak thing to say. Not much you can analyze about this scene: Bojack thinks he's a bad person. Pretty straightforward.



3) Season 1 episode 11 - "Tell me I'm good."

Even though Bojack likes to fetishize his own sadness, he wants to believe in a "deep down" and he's desperate for someone to tell him that he's a good person, deep down, in spite of the things that he's done. He hates himself, but he still wants everyone to love him -- as Princess Carolyn told him in the very first episode, this isn't possible. Self-hatred is destructive and poisons relationships.


4) Season 1 episode 12 - "I don't think I believe in deep down. I kinda think that all you are is just the things that you do."

Diane responds to the question Bojack posed in the previous episode, and explains why she couldn't tell him that he's a good person. She has no reason to believe he's a good person, because she's seen him do more shitty things than good things; like get in a physical fight with a terminally ill man, and kiss a married woman.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that other people's perception of you is who you are. If the people closest to you have some criticisms, you should really take that to heart. Bojack doesn't react well to this; he wants to be comforted and told he's a good person without having to do any of the work.


5) Season 2 episode 11 - "It hurts when I do this." "Don't do that." 

This joke is such a simple exchange between Charlotte and Bojack, but it's really something he should have taken to heart. Bojack loves his own pain.


6) Season 3 episode 7 - "Do you do bad things so that when people inevitably leave you, you can say 'It's not me, it's that bad thing I did'?"

More ruminations on Bojack's self-destructive streak. It's likely that The Closer has hit the nail on the head with this one; even Bojack says she's "hitting on something real." When he feels a relationship slipping away, he'll impulsively do something to destroy it. When Charlotte rejected him, he almost slept with Penny. When Todd began spending more time with Emily, he slept with Emily.


7) Season 3 episode 10 - "You are all the things that are wrong with you."

Oof. I love this line. Todd cuts right through all of Bojack's bullshit and refuses to be distracted by his excuses. At a certain point, there's no excuse; just be better.


8) Season 3 episode 11 - "People change because they have to change."

We're privy to this scene, but according to Sarah Lynn's recollection, Bojack then droned on about how he's never going to change, and they cancelled the AA meeting because everyone got bummed out. This little bit of wisdom from the bird becomes relevant in the aftermath of Sarah Lynn's death; Bojack does change in season 4. As I'll explain in part two, he doesn't repeat the mistakes he made with Sarah Lynn.


9) Season 3 episode 12 - "I come from poison." 

"I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch. That's my legacy. I have nothing to show for the life that I've lived, and I have nobody in my life who's better off for having known me."

Damn, Bojack, tell us how you really feel. After this dark moment, Diane tells him (for the first time) that Horsin' Around helped her through her difficult childhood, and that thousands of people are better off because of him. This is a moment of generosity and vulnerability for Diane, and it does make Bojack feel better.


10) Season 4 episode 6 - "Stupid Piece of Sh*t"

It's difficult to pull a specific quote from this episode, because the entire episode demonstrates Bojack's view of himself. But the most valuable insight is that he pushes Hollyhock away because he thinks he will fuck it up. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and an easy trap to fall into. But it's not sympathetic when someone whines about how they're going to ruin a relationship so they cut it off before giving it a chance. Get your shit together, and put in the work.

And at the end of the episode, Bojack does put in the work. He cuts off his mental spiraling and goes to talk to Hollyhock, and tells her that him being distant doesn't mean he hates her. If he had allowed himself to continue to wallow, their relationship would have never had a chance.

Part 2: ... so you have to do better.

According to the logic of the show, Bojack can only redeem himself if he stops doing bad things -- so, has he?

I want to talk about three parallel relationships and situations that demonstrate how Bojack has learned from his mistakes.


1) Herb and Kelsey

This is the most obvious connection of these. Two gay directors that were fired under circumstances that were partially Bojack's fault, and whom he neglected to apologize to (or even reach out to) afterward. This is as parallel as a parallel can parallel.

In Herb's situation, it's bad enough that he doesn't stand up for his friend after promising he would. He's talked out of it fairly easily, when the network exec dangles the shiny carrot of Secretariat in front of his eyes (cause he's a horse -- get it? (and I'm a horse. And you're a horse. Do you get my joke?)). But what Herb really takes issue with is the fact that Bojack abandoned him afterward, out of his own shame. Maybe it was too big of a hurdle to maintain their friendship, but it might have been possible if Bojack has spoken to Herb immediately afterward instead of decades later.

When Kelsey is fired, Bojack doesn't do anything. He eventually leaves the movie, but only because he hates the new director. He doesn't try to reach out to Kelsey until he sees her in at the Pacific Ocean Film Festival. If he hadn't run into her, he may have never tried to apologize.

"Fish Out of Water" is a great episode on every level, and it represents some growth for Bojack. The dreamlike quality of a foreign, underwater setting is the perfect backdrop for an episode about failing to communicate. He keeps facing ridiculous set-backs, and when he's finally able to hand her the note, the words have been washed away. But what he wrote says all that we need to know about his growth:

"Kelsey, In this terrifying world, all that we have are the connections that we make. I'm sorry you got fired. I'm sorry I never called you after."

He's thinking about what happened with Herb, and even though he made the same mistake twice, he knows the right thing to say now, and he tries to say it.

Although the barriers to communication in this episode are external, I think the episode is really about Bojack's internal barriers. In both cases, with Herb and with Kelsey, he feels guilty about what happened, and he's not sure how to make it better, so he just avoids it altogether -- which makes it worse.


2) Sarah Lynn, Penny, and Hollyhock -- Bojack's daughters/not daughters.

This is a messy equivalency, considering he slept with/tried to sleep with the first two, but Bojack makes the comparison himself in the season 4 episode, "Stupid Piece of Sh*t."

Bojack's mistake with Sarah Lynn and Penny was primarily that he allowed them to do whatever they wanted and didn't establish any boundaries. Whenever Sarah Lynn wanted to party, he was her enabler. He tried once to be more of a father to her and put some limits on what was allowed, but instantly caved. He wanted her to like him more than he cared about her well-being -- which is, you know, the opposite of good parenting.

The situation with Penny is somewhat similar. He doesn't treat her like a kid, which she appreciates, but is pretty inappropriate; she's 17 and he's in his 50s, and he should not be buying her and her friends alcohol. This failure to establish an adult/child boundary leads to more... shenanigans.

At first, when she kisses him, he draws a clear boundary by saying that she doesn't know what she wants. This is very parental -- the classic "I know what's best for you." This instantly puts Penny back in the position of feeling like a child.

Just a short time later, he literally leaves the door open instead of setting a boundary. Because she's young, she makes the bad decision and goes into his room. He allows her to make the choice, knowing that she's going to make the wrong one. He should not have left the choice up to her at all.

This is, I think, the worst thing that Bojack has done, and without a doubt the one things that some viewers point to as making him an irredeemable character.

The rejection from Charlotte puts him back in the headspace he was in with Sarah Lynn, in season 1 -- he's an emotionally stunted pushover who wants everyone to like him. It's hard to understand why he makes this terrible mistake with Penny; there's an element of self-sabotage in there for sure, as I mentioned above.

But it's also about his maturity; earlier in the season, Kelsey says that Bojack is so emotionally stunted he's basically a teenager. He want to have an adult relationship with Charlotte, but she rejects him, so he sort of... regresses. This is similar to the explanation that the creators have given; mentally, he's basically a teenager so he doesn't see that it's wrong to take advantage of a 17-year-old.

With Hollyhock, he makes a more serious effort at being a father, since, for all they know, he actually is her father. He stays up waiting for her when she's out, and investigates her new boyfriend. When he thinks that she's been taking drugs, he flushes them all. This is a departure from the Bojack that enabled Sarah Lynn's drug abuse and bought alcohol for Penny and her teenage friends. He's coming fresh off of Sarah Lynn's overdose, which he blames himself for, so he's not about to repeat that mistake.

The most important aspect of the Hollyhock storyline, however, is how he puts her wellbeing above their relationship, and whether or not he's liked. He calls her dads to tell them that what happened is not Hollyhock's fault -- not to tell them that it's not his fault. Bojack blames himself and even though there's nothing in it for him, he still wants her dads to know the truth. Just imagine how season 1 Bojack would have handled this situation... He's grown a lot since his encounters with Sarah Lynn and even Penny, where his priority was being liked. With Hollyhock, he's willing to be the adult and put her wellbeing first.


3) Todd: rock opera, improv, and Cabracadabra.

Bojack's devious plan to sabotage Todd's rock opera is hilarious, but it's still a shitty thing to do. Instead of just telling Todd that he values him as a friend, he clips his wings in an elaborate scheme that makes Todd feel like an incompetent loser.

When Todd joins the improv cult (which is not a stand-in for Scientology!), Bojack is again faced with the possibility of Todd leaving him. At first, he lets Todd go and pretends that it doesn't bother him. But then he makes a grand friendship gesture and tells Todd that he values his relationship -- and actually proves it by remembering the story of how they met.

In season 3, Bojack does nothing to sabotage Cabracadabra, but he does sleep with Emily for no reason at all. By the end of season 3, Todd has outgrown Bojack and doesn't want or need to live with him anymore.

In season 4, Bojack offers up his couch to Todd, but he turns him down. Todd is no longer dependent on Bojack, which may have been the thing that made their relationship work. They didn't interact much in season 4, and I'm unsure if they will continue to have a friendship.

Bojack has grown a little bit; from sabotaging Todd so he will have to stay, to openly asking him to stay. But Todd has grown too, perhaps too much for their friendship to continue.


Bonus: Comforting Beatrice with lies.

There isn't really a parallel situation for this one, but it is a hugely sympathetic moment from Bojack, so I have to address it. And I really, really love this scene; it's one of the most poignant moments of the series.

Bojack feels pity for his mom, seeing how vulnerable she is, and he can't bring himself to be mean to her. Again, just try to imagine season 1 Bojack in this position. He's grown so much, and I love him, okay?

Take-aways

1) You are the things that you do. This is a major take-away from the show, and reflected in one form or another by several characters.


2) You are redeemable, but you have to put in the work. The fourth season makes this clear. Bojack is putting in some effort, and good things happen to him as a result. We're supposed to root for Bojack -- he's the protagonist no matter how flawed.


3) You aren't entitled to forgiveness, and seeking out forgiveness is often selfish. (See: Bojack demanding that Herb forgives him on his deathbed; Bojack re-traumatizing Penny in a misguided attempt to make amends.)

Sarah Lynn says that making amends is a never-ending cycle where you always end up feeling good about yourself, no matter how many bad things you do. This is clearly the wrong way to look at it. You're only redeemable if you change your behavior. To paraphrase Todd: You can't live in a cycle of doing bad things and apologizing.


4) Feeling bad about yourself helps no one. It doesn't make up for the bad things you did, and it can often make things worse. Bojack distances himself from Hollyhock out of his own self-loathing, and Hollyhock understandably takes this to mean that he doesn't like being around her. Luckily, they clear the air about this. Bojack is honest about his behaviors. The moment when he forces himself to stop his negative thought-spiral, and go talk to her is so important.

It's okay to need alone time, obviously, but you need to communicate this to the people that you care about so they don't think you hate them. When you're in a bad mood about an un-related thing, just tell that person.

So, are you a bad person if you relate to Bojack?

No, of course not. He has some relatable character traits that are rarely seen on TV. Personally, his habit of avoiding people he has tension with and making it worse, is... very me. But the show can be therapeutic. It's nice to see characters deal with these problems, and actually solve them.

The show doesn't glorify Bojack's bad behavior. "You are the things that you do" is a pretty harsh message, but one we should all take to heart.